The transformation I have had in the past few years on my mindset and life approach is significantly large, too large for those around me (or even myself!) to comprehend. I have rearranged my priorities, learnt how to love myself and stopped making frequent guilt trips with everything I decided on. I have previously shared that I was often a victim of emotional abuse, and it took building extremely thick skin to get over the fact that I had to live with negativity at a very close level within my daily environment. It hurts, but you certainly learn from it if you survive it.

A recent scroll online to read what others who feel similar emotions as the ones I feel brought my attention to a concept which I began to practice immediately. It was in relation to dealing with negative people at home, or those who are close to you, and how to prevent circular conversations which always seem to keep hurting you continuously. One user simply suggested to use the No JADE approach: Don't Jutify, don't Argue, don't Defend and don't Explain. Why? because you don't have to.

I have suffered from the need to explain myself, and my actions, to those who never seemed to understand. I argued, over and over again to change somebody's opinion about certain things I felt passionate about, only to agree to disagree most of the times. Defending my thoughts and my reasoning took energy from me which I could have transformed into something else, something more useful. Last but not least, justifying oneself can be a very dangerous act, and a source of insecurity. The constant need to justify your decisions, actions, reasons, or even personality, has lead me to feeling depressive and unsure about the path I lead for my life.

I personally believe that those who tend to cause negativity upon others have large emotional biases which they base their actions on. The repeated arguments with such individuals is counterproductive and from my experience it only caused me pain. I have switched to stating my opinion once and only once, argue with the facts that I have once. Don't go overboard with trying to justify my situation, and recently I noticed that doing this only when it is absolutely necessary is the best way to go when dealing with negative and abusive relationships. The best advice I can give would be: don't engage yourself with the person. Full stop.

The worst thing about emotional abuse is that it does not seem like abuse. It can even seem normal when you've lived through it for a long period of time. It becomes the norm. From personal experience, as soon as I stopped engaging in pointless conversations that made me very sensitive and pained, I became much happier. Which is why I stopped the arguments, the defending, justifying and explaining.



If you are a person who is going through such emotional experience with someone close to you, and unsure of how to prevent feeling abused by negativity and harsh words, I strongly suggest that you read this as a guideline on how to prevent feeling pained and hurt from the experience.


The JADE acronym is attributed to the Al-Anon group.